I write to focus, but I need to be focused to write :/

My ideas come like random, frequent yet scattered rain showers, and organizing them feels like I’m trying to catch the rain in open palms, but the rain drops keep falling through my fingers.

The image above is a picture of a paitning I am working on that I havent been able to finish and close, and its stressing me out.

I’m in a weird space right now where I find writing helps me to focus and streamline my thoughts, but a certain minimum level of focus is required for me to be able to do some coherent writing. I guess I am struggling to hit that minimum level of focus I need…

I find this to often be the case when I am going through transitional time periods where I am having to use so much of my mental energy to plan and strategize for things that are in the works. Hopefully in the coming couple of weeks I will be able to share more about the nature of this transition but its complicated. Well at least for me, anyway lol. Slow, drawn out transitions make me anxious.

I graduated University after studying Aerospace Engineering for four years and in that time, I feel like I have consistently been on the move. I’ve moved from London to Hertfordshire and back every year for Uni, except the year I moved to Huntingdon during my year in industry midway through my degree. I also moved from London to Manchester for a while for work, and in the middle of a pandemic, moved back down to London last year to be close to my family and friends. It may not look like a lot on paper – no, but it feels like a lot, especially when you consider that most of the moving has all been in the last three years.

When I first started moving around, I would literally cry my eyes out as soon as I arrived home or in my new city, but the last four or five times I moved there have been less waterworks. Perhaps I just grew out of it, or maybe after moving around so much, moving away from my family feels less final, because I know now that I can visit anytime. Moving around the country so much has in some ways made the country feel smaller. But I still hate being far from London. My heart is here because everything I love is here.

On top of the unstable location, I have been having conversations with my friends, and we seem to have a particular issue in common. Having so many ideas of projects to do that we end up not starting or completing any one of the projects we had in mind. I honestly don’t know what to do about it. If anyone reading this can provide helpful tips I would be infinitely grateful! This may not be exactly the case for my friends, but for me:

My ideas come like random, frequent yet scattered rain showers, and organizing them feels like I’m trying to catch the rain in open palms, but the rain drops keep falling through my fingers.

I’m not sure how else to describe the feeling, and I don’t want to blame everything on the pandemic, but being in lockdown has slowed EVERYTHING. At times actioning ideas can take so long because of the countrywide shutdown that by the time I’m able to do anything, my mind is elsewhere…

Have you had a similar experience at any point?

What solutions would you recommend? I’d love to hear them, in fact I think at this point I may need them LOL!